This was still all done by text but he said he is currently in a marriage with someone that he wants to go out with, stay in with and have sex with. Me on the other hand does not want to go out, stay in or spend any time with him and I cannot pretend that I am not faultless. I have never intimated that I am faultless.
I told him that he has been looking for something else for many years and did he not think that could be part of the reason for making me feel inadequate. I said I have put up with it for a long time and this was the final straw.
He said that an occasional yes rather than a guaranteed no was all he wanted.
I said it was also the fact that I have to do everything. He thinks he does everything but does nothing and that I am nothing more than a doormat. An occasional being nice to me wouldn't have gone amiss.
He said he had wanted to talk to me about life for years and has mentioned that things have not been good and was told to go f himself!! He wanted to tell me about the baby thing but was hoping to hear whether she was keeping it or not. She will most likely keep it with fucks his situation more which he says actually fucks mine as well!!
I told him that I poured my heart out to him in a letter years ago and he just ignored me. Why should I bother thinking that I could talk to him about anything else.
He then said that we could continue arguing about who ignored who the most but that is hardly helping.
I agreed and said it was time to call it a day. No matter what has happened or who thinks they are the most hard done by, I cannot forgive or forget this.
He spent 45 minutes on the phone to his mum's house between some of the texts yesterday. He says that his mum does not know so I presume he was talking to his brother.
He didn't get in till gone midnight last night (probably later). I went to bed about 1130. I slept fitfully and gave up and went in the youngest's bed at 530 this morning.
We didn't speak more than a few words this morning. I don't know what tonight will bring.
I have got a banging headache today that just won't shift. I have sent him an email with a link to my blog to give him some idea of what I have been through the last couple of months. Don't know what difference it will make though!
Just got back from the Sexual Health clinic. I felt such a fool for being there. I know they are probably used to seeing people like me but I am not used to being in a place like that. I am too old for that sort of thing (or so I thought) It was nice, don't get me wrong, but full of younger people. I wasn't bothered about being tested urgently because I know I am clean. But after thinking about the fact that she is pregnant and that meaning that unprotected sex has taken place and she has been single for a year, doing god knows what, I started to panic!! Anyway they are testing for all sorts, just in case. Results will come through in a couple of weeks. At least I will know one way or another.
On a positive note - my headache has gone thanks to caffeine, extra strong paracetamol and ibruprofen all together!!
Ho hum onwards and upwards!
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