Respect

I am struggling with the apparent total lack of respect that I seem to get.  


Yesterday I found out he was in the pub at the same time as her, with some mutual friends.  When I say he was in the pub at the same time as her, I mean they were together in the same group.  It is a mixture of people from the outdoor activity group and dj's who now come on a Thursday night to the same pub.  She knows people from both groups and it is inevitable that the groups get together.  It's a regular thing and she always seems to be there. Of course, I was really hacked off with this, was really miserable and we had words.  Well sort of - he talked and I sulked :(  Not very helpful but I wanted to wallow in self-pity for a while.


He doesn't seem to understand that it is my feelings that are being hurt by this. He turns it back on me and asks me what I want him to do about it!!!  He asks if I want him to give up DJ'ing and doing an outdoor activity group because that is where the mutual friends come into it.  


He says that it will look a bit strange if he suddenly stops going.  But I don't understand why he can't say he is not going for a couple of weeks (hasn't got money, needs to do accounts, any reason really).  All the more reason for him to give it up. He is not giving your marriage a chance.  Do the people he goes with know?  Do they think it's acceptable?  If they do, how can they possibly think it is ok?


I still don't understand why his brother was there - he never goes on a Thursday.  I reckon he phoned him.  He said his brother wanted to talk to her and she ran away screaming when he got there!!  I smell some sort of bullshit going on.  I asked why I didn't get an invite to the little family gathering.  I was asked why I wanted to go.  Was it to make a scene, did I want to have a fight with her, did I want to embarrass myself, the DofE people, him?  Why shouldn't I want to make a scene?  Why shouldn't other people know what he has done?  How long does he think it can be kept quiet?


Other people's feelings and opinions are obviously more important than mine. I don't know how many other people know that he slept with her. Of course he doesn't think it isn't his fault that he slept with her - he was coerced into it somehow (he obviously hasn't got any self-will or self-control nor does his cock).  He is unwilling to accept responsibility for anything - for the baby, for us, for her, for my feelings.  Nothing is his fault.


How can he not see it was an affair if he made her pregnant?  Of course he says he was trapped into it.  I don't know exactly what happened but how can someone be trapped into shagging someone or getting them pregnant.  What did she make him do - wank into a cup and pour it in?  He does not see that he had an emotional affair before he actually slept with her.  He is deluded.  Of course he will be wondering if he actually is the father until it is born and a DNA test is done.  Either way - he still slept with her.

I don't think he is sorry this happened.  I think he is sorry he got caught in the situation but he has no real intention of changing anything in his life to make me feel better.  His doctor said that she also thought he had been trapped.  I only have his word for that, and he will only tell what he wants of what went on.  The doctor said that even if he had used a condom, it may have split or failed some other way.  That's fine, but the chances of that happening are so small if he really did only shag her once!!  Much less likely than not using one at all.

I am in a no-win situation here.  Damned if I stay, damned if I go.  Fucked either way.