I think I've opened a can of worms with regard to my early life. He made me remember and realise things that I thought I had forgotten about. Things that have a bearing on who I am now and why I do things that I do.
He has suggested couples counselling, whether we split or stay. He thinks it will probably be beneficial to both of us to talk and make sure we are making the right decisions for the right reasons. Even if we split up, I would like it to be amicable, mostly because we have so many friends in common and I don't want the girls to think that they are stuck in the middle of two parents that hate each other, which we don't.
We discussed the main reason for me coming to see him. Originally it was because I thought he was having an affair and of course it turned out far worse than that!! I want to talk through my feelings with someone who specialises in getting people to talk and asking the right questions.
In hindsight I should have confronted him when he was advertising himself on the internet and let him know in no uncertain terms that it was not to happen again. But I didn't because I wanted the quiet life with no arguments.
My problem appears to be two fold. 1. my mother screwed me over for life with her actions when I was younger and 2. my husband has got some narcissistic tendencies that prevent me from ever "winning" with anything and him always having to be right.
A few years ago, we had an argument because I happened to mention and want to talk a bit about being a civilian observer on a Friday or Saturday night in town (seeing what they get up to and what they have to deal with). He has a problem with authority at the moment (police, tax men, etc) because of their "silly rules that prevent anyone from doing anything". He could not understand why I wanted to do this and stormed off, leaving me in tears trailing behind him in the middle of the night. All because he cannot, or does not want to, see anyone else's viewpoint.
His way is the only way - everyone else is wrong. Everyone has to want to go out to a loud pub to talk, everyone else is boring because they want to go somewhere quieter and talk. It's even for simple things such as what programmes are put on a computer, how the other dj's work, how I do the washing (!!). I just ignore him most of the time now - it's not worth the hassle of arguing about it. All these point towards a need for power and him having some narcissistic traits. Some of the things that he wants from our relationship (sex-wise) point towards him needing power. Hmm - there should be a few more interesting sessions with the counsellor!!!
Even as I type this I know this is all one-sided and there is always another side to think about. However, this blog is about me and my feelings, not worrying about other people feelings, like I always have done in the past. I spend too much time worrying about other people and not enough time thinking about me and my feelings and emotions.
I don't know whether I feel better or worse after seeing him. Time will tell I suppose. I have another 5 weeks with him.
Hmmm I've always thought Mother had a lot to answer for xxxxx
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