Time to Talk

We have been talking.  We don't know yet if the marriage will stay the distance or not.  I think we may be able to overcome some of the problems in our marriage but I don't know if I can ever come to terms with the fact that he has slept with another woman.  He does not know for absolute certain that she is pregnant or whether she is just trying it on or winding him up.  The chances are that she is, but there is still that tiny element of doubt.  And I don't know if I can deal with it.

We have decided that we are not telling our girls about anything yet.  He will tell that we are having some difficulties in our marriage but we are trying to sort it out. As and when we need to say anything more to them, we will.

What I am finding really difficult to reconcile is that what I thought was a reasonable marriage (not fantastic but ok) is in fact a bit of a sham.  I thought that he wanted a wife that would do the home stuff for him and look after the family so that's what I did.  But it appears that he wanted that and everything else as well but would not do anything to help.

Most of the problems seem to stem from a lack of communication and also the different family backgrounds that we come from.  He is turning into his father and that's not necessarily a good thing. His father was a good man but had some real faults (pessimism, hoarding, always having to be right, etc).

Some of the things that he has said today have really hurt me.  Not because they were necessarily nasty but that they seemed so mean (to me anyway).  Maybe it's the truth and I am just some sad, miserable, fat old cow who does not deserve to have someone like him :( 

I had a long chat with his mum last night.  He told her some of what was going on (the part about the baby, etc) but she did not know some of the other stuff that I told her (about internet, etc).  She said that she felt physically sick at the thought of it.  She said that she wouldn't want anything to do with the baby, but we shall see. We both agreed though that he was a dick.

I am still veering between wanting to stick his balls in a vice, punch him and her and hug him!! It's so confusing.  I thought I was ok and then he said something else and now I am wanting to crush his balls in a vice again.

I have got some fantastic support from my friends and family.  I am going to phone Talking Therapies tomorrow to see if I can get in to see them more quickly.  I to talk to someone impartial who can actually give me advice, rather than the Samaritans who are there to listen and not give advice.  I am going to try and talk to someone else I know who's husband slept with another woman and see how she dealt with it.