One of the main things to sort out in counselling is my inability to argue or to get angry or confrontational. If I had been able to do this maybe he wouldn't have got away with all the stuff he had over the years. All the internet chatting, all the advertising himself, trying to get with other people.
I don't know why I can't get angry or confrontational. It's probably something stuck in my head from when I was younger. That's the conclusion at the moment. But what was it?
Is this the right room for an arguement???? Sorry, couldn't resist :-) if you ever need to practice come on over, I think I inherited the arguemental gene... xx
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how many times I have re-written what I'm trying to say... Your husband is a knob. Leave him. That's what I really want to say. But I can't say that. As you've said before it's very easy for people to say that and you're right. You've also pointed out that everything you've written is from your perspective but my perspective on your perspective is that you're very very hurt and upset and that the person who has hurt you is offering you no comfort. Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves - we decide how we feel, we decide whether we are going to continue to let people hurt us. Life doesn't have to be confrontational, it doesn't have to be it really really doesn't. It's just not in some people to argue - that is not a bad thing!!! I hope you do what will make you happy whether that be leaving him or forgiving him. It seems to me that you have people in your life who love you very much. You may be surprised at just exactly how much support others will offer you if they knew about your situation. You're stronger than you think you are. You can and you will get through this. You should feel no shame. You are not a failure. You have not failed. We can't change the past but we can change our futures (easy to say but bloody hard to do). I wish you well xx
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